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Monday, October 5th, 2009
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9:48 pm - Smoking.
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I enjoyed smoking. Particularly clove cigarettes. More particularly Djarum Black class A clove cigarettes.
I voted "FUCK NO" to the Family Smoking Prevention and Tobacco Control Act of 2009. (http://www.govtrack.us/congress/bill.xpd?bill=h111-1256) The vote was probably tossed because someone was offended by the word "FUCK." I wrote it pretty big on the card too.
Now I'm a non-smoker, one who doesn't smoke regularly. I get itches to smoke once in a while, usually at night or after a couple drinks. My craving for my particular brand leaves me high a dry. I've bought a couple packs or regulars since running out a week after the ban, but I had only one or two, then gave the pack away. A waste of money, I know, but it shows me that I'm not up for switching to regular cigarettes.
I know someone who has Djarum Blacks, but I don't really want to buy or bum any from him. He enjoys them as well, even though he's a non-smoker. I've seen video of people in the internet holding packs of Djarum Blacks still completely wrapped in cellophane with words spewing, "I will never smoke these." Such a shame to have a great product of the past time go stale, only to have someone smoke it years later and get horribly sick.
In a global scope of America "The-not-so-free", this law was rather pathetic and should never have passed; it should have instead been given to the states to decide. This law is also prejudice towards cigarettes as a whole, targeting the minorities of all cigarettes while excluding the most popular flavor, menthol. Part of a freedom of choice taken away, again...
I'd say more, but work is calling me. Going to be a late night...
So, I'm left to wonder when the flavored liquor ban will take effect in this shit stained country.
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| Monday, September 7th, 2009
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8:46 pm - Unlike happy but not sad.
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Communication has become light and infrequent with the one I love most. When I was looking for houses, talk persisted daily. When I stopped looking, so did the communication. I stopped looking for many reasons, most of which revolved around money and the lack thereof. My spending habits didn't change until recently...reduced amount of "fun" money... Taking the job at ML, I took a significant pay cut, started 401K again, and received benefits again. Among over-payments to my cell provider for them not changing my plan correctly, purchasing new clothing for work, and maintaining everything else, it took a little over a month to wipe out what I had saved for six months. The bank took notice before myself, and took their cut as well leaving me in a deadly position. With the aid of my SO, my feet seem to be on the ground again, instead of being bound by chains over a rafter. While I am better now than two weeks ago, I feel like everything I've been doing to improve the quality of our lives, has backfired on me. I feel like she may not care or feel much concern for me anymore, possibly look down upon me like I'm a fuck up, or just fucked up. There was much anger in her voice when I told her I wasn't going to look anymore. There was some in mine as well for the thoughtless comments received. A shared dream had been broken and set aside. Since then, her voice (and probably mine as well) has been mostly dispassionate, and straight forward. It's been rather difficult to physically communicate with her as well. Time is not my friend in that respect. Maybe someday we can fix it together like many other things. So here I wait patiently for her and us, as she waits there to return to me and us.
***
Happiest thought of the day.
I remembered the time we were in the attic of my dad's beater house blowing insulation around. I remember talking with you, holding you, blowing insulation on each other, wanting to make love to you there... Our attraction for each other was strong then, like many times before and after. I remember when we left the attic, we were covered in the gray material which coated our hair and faces. We looked rather old, and shared a genuine laugh as we gazed at each other. I could feel your warm eyes looking upon my soul, as you may have felt as well.
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| Saturday, August 15th, 2009
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12:52 pm - Jeez
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I've been starving myself for the last week because I had though i wouldn't have enough money come the middle of the month payments. Turns out, I won't need as much as I had thought to make the payments. Which means I have a little bit of money to go to the store any buy food! :)
Next week I'm going to Rochester with my mom. She's having surgery done. Nothing fatal, but the ordeal she's been through has been many years of terrible pain and frustration. Hope this will fix her issues once and for all. I really appreciate the Family Medical Leave Act.
:)
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| Friday, July 10th, 2009
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1:16 pm - rawk on
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Best of my week:
Like my job here at Marketlink.
Found a suitable house yesterday.
Approved for loan.
I won't list the worst, because most of it is trivial.
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| Sunday, July 5th, 2009
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3:45 pm - So yeah.
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My head is spinning hard, my stomach is flippin shit, and there's nothing i can do about it. Good thing it's my day off for working out.
I cut four or five huge clumps of hair from Boots today. Hopefully it grows back straight.
Saw a house again today. Going to see more Tuesday after work.
Other than that, same old, same old .
:-(
current mood:  lonely
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| Thursday, June 18th, 2009
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10:16 pm - It's Quiet
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A little too quite.
The kid below me must have learned not to blast his stereo so everyone in the building can hear it!
current mood:  surprised
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4:37 am - Beneficial?
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Freakin' early morning. Hope I don't fall asleep at work.
I seem to be gaining some kind of muscle mass. But i can't be certain until i buy a weight scale which will never happen. Guess I'll just wait for a doctor's visit.
Mmm. Eggs sound good. But where are they hiding?
Pleh!
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| Thursday, June 4th, 2009
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10:02 am - In case you were wondering.
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Interview for a Multi-role tech position today at 3:30 for a medium sized company. I'm currently dressed to impress.
Ordered a tire for my car which should be here in a couple days.
Reduced my gaming time. Instead of four hours a night, it's more like one or two.
Still continuing P90X program. Starting to see and feel results.
Eating more food and healthier foods.
Still going to school, and kicking ass in math class. Haven't really talked with anyone there. They all seem fresh out of high school. Have yet to plan what class(es) I will be taking in the fall.
Re-taking Network test for the third time next Wednesday. I'm reading the book over and over again.
That's about it for the excitement in my life.
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| Wednesday, June 3rd, 2009
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8:21 pm - Left for dead
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Yesterday, a co-worker looked at me while walking back in a said 'You look like you just lost your best friend'
I replied, 'Yeah, she's in Iraq now,' as I tried to put a smile back on my face.
Today, I was sitting and staring off into space. A different co-worker walked in the room and asked, 'You ok, man?'
I replied, 'Yeah, why?'
He said, 'you look really down.'
'Just waitin' for someone.' I was actually in a conference room waiting for someone else to discuss a new job opportunity...
Lack of sleep is the most likely culprit.
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| Tuesday, May 26th, 2009
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11:25 am - I got some help
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| Sunday, May 24th, 2009
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4:23 pm - All in all, I'm fucked for a long time.
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Today, someone left an ink pen in the dryer. 90% of my regular clothes have ink on them. In case you are wondering, I don't have many clothes.
The past three days, a neighbor has left their trash outside their door in the hall. The hall smells like shit. Everyone else tends to leave little bits of trash everywhere else, because after they eat a piece of candy, it's so much easier just to throw the wrapper on the ground in the hall than it is to throw it away in a trash can IN THEIR FUCKING APARTMENT.
The past three days, the kids below me have been blasting their music and wrestling until 4am.
The past six months, there have been kids who think it's absolutely necessary to run/scream/throw tantrums in the hall at random times during the day. There's six or seven of them on my floor. Probably more.
The past year, my AC hasn't worked for shit. The AC repair guy recharged it, but that didn't help because the compressor is fucked. I've told this to the apt managers multiple times, but each time they just 'recharge it'. THAT'S NOT THE FUCKING PROBLEM ASSHOLES.
Fuck this place where I live. Fuck it to hell. If I had the money I would move out in a fucking heart beat. I'd move into a house, but I don't have enough fucking money to do that either.
I HATE MY LIVING CONDITIONS AND HAVE FOR THE LAST YEAR, AND I HATE THE IRRESPONSIBLE IGNORANT FUCKS THAT LIVE AROUND ME.
Apartments fucking suck.
Other than the lack of money, lack of food, lack of personal transportation, being alone all the time, and a desire to burn this entire building down, I'm great. :)
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| Wednesday, May 20th, 2009
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8:45 pm - Network Infrastructure
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Test Failed. Two more correct questions, and I would have passed the test.
Maybe Next week.
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| Monday, May 18th, 2009
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8:39 pm - Overboard
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Been searching for a missing checkbook for a while. No luck. I've torn up everything multiple times.
Didn't have a chance to say goodbye to Aunt and Uncle from TX. Woke up sick Sunday, forced myself to get ready for lunch, got out to my car and stared at a flat tire. Drove it down the street to the air pump to figure out where the hole was. Ended up being a chunk of metal the size of a key which pierced the inside sidewall of the tire. The hole was too large to patch. About an hour later I had the spare on, and missed lunch with relatives.
Money has been tight for a while, and will continue to be for a couple weeks. Hope what's left will last. I'm pretty good when it comes to bare minimums.
Still dealing with Mr. Throat infection.
Take the next exam Wednesday. I feel comfortable now. I'll keep studying until then. School starts next week. It's going to be crazy if I take the last exam next week. My brain is on an information overload, and there's no off switch in the circuit.
I miss my love now, like always.
current mood:  listless
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| Wednesday, May 13th, 2009
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3:19 pm - MCP
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Passed 2008 AD, Configuring.
I am now a Microsoft Certified Professional.
Two more exams, and I'll have the MCITP: Systems Administration.
WaHOO!
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| Sunday, May 10th, 2009
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7:06 pm - Cleaning Closet Frenzy
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Getting rid of 50 + shirts and some shorts that I don't wear and haven't worn in years, feels good.
There are more hangers to hang other things such as some new shirts acquired recently, and new clothes to acquire later.
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It's Mother's day. Went to Outback for dinner with Mom and Brother. Bought her Geraniums, Petunias, Merigolds, and Snap Dragons as her gift. I also got her a card with a hairy man ass in really low cut jeans. She laughed. :)
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I haven't been too sure of what I should be doing today. Nor have I been sure of what I shouldn't be doing. But I do know I should have gone to get some cat food and litter (they are far from out, but when the day comes it will be handy), and I shouldn't have taken a nap after dinner.
I called my soon to be mom-in-law and left a message wishing her happy mother's day.
All I want now, is to hear Joyce's voice. It's been a while since I've heard it. Been a couple days since I've heard anything from her. I won't get too worried until a week or so. It is quite shitty over there.
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Going to take some Cert test next week Friday. I'll be working the practice exam and learning other certs until then.
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| Tuesday, May 5th, 2009
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1:53 am - My watch is broken...
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My fucked up finger (right middle, from bowling) is swollen, and Chantix is keeping me awake; it may possibly be the crazy dreams I've had the past few nights and how I don't want dreams like that. At least smoking is the last thing on my mind.
Last night, I dreamed I was in a mall killing zombies with two pistols. I killed them all. I remember the pistols in great detail, but nothing else of that dream. They were all flat black, and tailored for each hand. The left handed gun had two thin blue accent stripes an inch apart running along the sides of each barrel. The right handed gun had red ones. They were eye candy to me, and obviously had performed flawlessly. I felt as if I were those guns while holding them.
I awoke to outside disruption and eventually dozed off again.
I was on vacation in a large city in Mexico. I parallel parked my car on a side street a couple blocks from a ball room where a party was being held. I was in casual clothes. Joyce was there and so was my whole family. After the party, it was mid-day outside and I was walking back to my car. As I approached the car, another in the oncoming lane was creeping up to it ever so slowly. The car hit mine. In the old 80-something Chevy were four Mexicans with expressions saying, 'what you gonna do about it, essay?' I threw my car keys out of anger at their windshield and cracked it. The long haired driver threw his beater in reverse and floored it. I jumped in my car, thinking I would chase them down. The shitty car stopped about a football field away and started coming forward. It was a tight fit where my car was so I rocked it back and fourth to get it out of the spot I was in. As my car freed itself, the Mexicans slammed into my passenger side, sending my car into a barrel roll down the hill I was atop of. About half way down the hill I jerked the steering wheel back and the car stopped rolling mid air, and started bouncing up and down like a basket ball, ricocheting off building corners and gas station pumps all while the car is perfectly level with the horizon. If I turned the wheel right, the car turned right. At the bottom of the hill was a 40 story parking ramp, and I realized I was downtown in this city. My car bounced off the side of the parking ramp and went back up the hill a bit over the roof of a single story building. I slammed the brakes and the car instantly dropped to the rooftop. I got out of the car and jumped down on the brick wall next to it and then to the street level. I walked a block through the same gas station I bounced through earlier, and up to the convenience store. There were no doors and only two thick windows. The window on the left was empty, and the window on the right had a clerk with a revolver in one hand, a cigarette in his mouth, and his left hand was fiddling with the cash drawer. I tried to talk to him, but he didn't hear me. So I walked around to the side of the building where a door was and walked in. Inside was all the decor and merchandise of a head-shop. There were no windows and dimmed colored lights all over. The only reasonable light was coming from a door left ajar from a delivery truck on the other side of the room. The owner of the shop came up to me and asked who I was in English. He was an older grey haired white man. I told him who I was and what had happened. Then he said I must have been from Ames, and that he used to live there.
At this point in the dream I told myself to wake up cause I have important things needing to be done. And I woke up, and thought, Gotta get that done, no time for sleeping in. And I got the lesser two of the three important things done. I will try the most important task tomorrow for the fourth time.
I slept like shit last night. Much like way I predict tonight will be. If this is what it takes to stop smoking, I'm in it.
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-My left eye sees the past. My right eye sees the present.
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| Monday, May 4th, 2009
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4:53 pm - The Friends Game
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I'm quite bothered by this.
I have friends that I haven't seen in a long time that I would like to see/hang out with more often. However, if I try to hang out with them, someone else comes along that I don't particularly like, but can be civil around. And usually, at the end of the night, and sometimes during the course of the night, I am irritated by these people. I don't interact with my friends like I normally do, or at least feel that way.
Secondly I have (more like had) many groups of friends of which I used to know well. Now, when I hang out with them, it's as if I don't really know them that well, and can't seem to connect with them on the same levels. We have shared different experiences over the years, which explains that. And it's ok.
Of my groups of friends, there are two that I feel like I cannot see or talk to because one has a bad apple, and the other I severed a good friendship in. The first group doesn't bother me so much, because they were mostly drinking buds. It was fun for my early twenties, but my life isn't about how I'm going to get shitfaced tonight and what crazy shit I'll be doing, anymore. They are still in that rut...from what info I've gathered. I see them every now and then. The second group...I'm still resenting my actions which were based on a now irrelevant discussion, many months previous to said actions. I met many cool, unique, interesting individuals with fascinating dreams and corresponding lives. I even lived with one of them for the duration of 4 months at 10hrs away from my hometown. I should call her sometime, if she'll talk to me. I told one of them (the one I have known the longest) that we shouldn't talk anymore. My reasons were just, but it didn't feel right nor did it feel good. I feel this action may have severed ties to anyone else in this group. I've fell through the hard part, but have been pretty stable since.
In the mean time, I've been building new (good) friends to keep me occupied with fun things to do, and hanging out (or trying to) with older friends that I respect(ed). I've come to realize the more time passes between visitations with old friends, the less likely the relationship is to thrive as it once did.
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Stating the obvious:
-Neither will you have to little time to do something, nor will you have too much time to do something, because you're always doing something.
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| Friday, May 1st, 2009
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11:04 am - Teh Vacation
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It was a stay-home vacation, but having Joyce back was awesome. Two weeks of drinking, eating, and entertainment of all sorts of varieties. I wish I could do it all over again.
We stayed in a hotel one night, the Renaissance Savry...such a POS place. We had a double bed that filled the not so ginormous room. A small desk, a closet that was almost the size of the room (WTF?), and a rinky-dink bathroom where the flusher was on the wall, and the tub could barely fit a midget. The pool in the basement was the size of a regular bathtub, but they did have three saunas, a steam room, and a bake room. There was strangely patterned carpet and strangely patterned wallpaper all over this place. I did get a quick tour of the women's private locker room with a jacuzzi, sauna, and steam room. hehehehe. No, no body but me and Joyce running through it.
That night we went to Hessen Haus, but it was packed with people from the Drake Relays, and those that didn't want to get rained on. We left after saying hi to an old co-worker. From there we went to Buddies and Saddle, met Allen and Dana, had a drink, went to Allen's place for a drink, because the bars were dead, came back, and drank the rest of the night away.
The next day we decided to go to Embassy Suites instead. Much, Much, Much, better. :)
There are many more stories, but I don't have time to write them all now.
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| Tuesday, April 14th, 2009
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10:49 pm - Return
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Joyce came home yesterday about 3pm. I went to work at Tuffys about 3:45. Joyce showed up at my apt around 4. I didn't know until I got home about 7:30pm. I walked up the stairs with a letter she had sent me in my hand opened. I was about to pull it out when I noticed a large bag and a body I hadn't seen in four months standing before my eyes. I froze in disbelief, but quickly regained my thoughts, or at least some of them. All I could do was hold her in my arms and try not to cry out of happiness.
That was quite a surprise since I had been expecting her Tuesday.
I feel whole once again.
:)
current mood:  grateful
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| Sunday, April 12th, 2009
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11:55 pm - Way to go, chief.
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I've been out of it most of the day because of my infection.
I missed church because of two rowdy cats last night...
I woke up around noon, went to my Aunt's house and had some Easter dinner/B-day parties. Left there to arrive at my dad's, watched a couple movies. Came back home and played some video games.
I didn't really have a good laugh today. Probably because I was thinking of Joyce, and wondering if I will be picking her up/what time/where/etc.
Tomorrow I prep for her arrival. Lots to do with plenty of time. After I get my haircut, it's all down hill from there.
Assuming she left the sandbox this afternoon, I suspect she will be here early Tues Morning.
Hurry up and wait.
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